![]() ![]() Powell also suggests you frame your aftercare discussion around three things that worked well and three things you both might do differently. If you’re really verbal (or super comfortable with your partner), Dr. Powell suggests, so that it doesn’t come off as if you’re prepping to have an overwhelmingly critical conversation about your sex life. “It makes it easier for you, and it puts you and your partner on the same page.” You might even mention that you saw an interesting article on the topic, Dr. “Name the emotion you’re having about it,” Dr. In fact, if you’re feeling awkward, you should just say that. Powell says it’s okay if you’re not quite sure how to start the conversation. If aftercare is something you want to bring into your own bedroom, there are a few ways you might broach the subject. You might talk to your partner in a day or two, or even longer than that when you’ve had a chance to center yourself a bit. It doesn’t have to happen immediately after sex either, Dr. In an aftercare conversation, once your body has calmed down, you might be able to speak up about how things felt. If you’re someone who freezes when you’re uncomfortable, it might be difficult to express that displeasure in real time. Even with the best intentions and clear communication, occasionally, something might happen during sex that doesn’t thrill you. Powell says it’s especially useful for folks who might have a freeze response when they are uncomfortable. It’s a natural progression that allows partners to leave the scene and come back to reality in an intentional and intimate way, she explains.Īftercare conversations can be helpful for anyone, but Dr. That Other Paper’s Checklist, published in an Austin-based zine, facilitates sex between kinkster acquaintances.In BDSM and kink contexts, aftercare is an integrated part of sex, Michels says. I especially recommend it for individuals early in their journeys of partnered sex. Scarleteen’s very extensive list includes categories for reproduction, boundaries and relationship structures. ![]() In addition to a list of activities, Autostraddle’s Checklist offers fill-in-the-blank statements like, “When I want you to stop, I say…” and “Never refer to my genitals as…” I encourage you to browse the internet for other Yes/No/Maybe Checklists and gain more insight in how to use them. There are many versions of the Yes/No/Maybe checklist. Or, perhaps you want to communicate that certain behaviors put the brakes on your arousal or desire.ĭon’t use the checklist to convince your partner to try something you want to do, especially if they have indicated that they are not open to it. Perhaps you want to suggest something not on the list. Sometimes one has a backstory or reason behind their preferences, and sometimes one has no idea what has caused their sexual turn-ons and turn-offs.įeel free to add to the list. Be curious (rather than judgmental) about both the sexual activities your partner wants to explore, as well as the things they are not up for trying. Discuss items where one of you answered, “Yes” and the other indicated, “Maybe.”īring an open mind. Look for “Yes” answers to activities that you have not previously engaged in together. How to talk about the list with your partnerĪfter completing the lists individually, share and compare your answers. Used alone, a checklist helps to privately consider one’s comfort with various sexual activities without the expectation to share. Used with a new partner, a checklist identifies what the other likes to explore during sex, facilitates safe boundaries and opens conversations about consent. It might prompt a sharing such as, “I am kind of interested in exploring that but wasn’t sure how to bring it up.” Used with a regular partner, a Yes/No/Maybe Checklist can generate fresh conversations about sex and facilitate exploration of new sexual practices. “Maybe” (perhaps under certain circumstances) “No” (I am not comfortable with that activity) “Yes” (I’m in to doing that or trying that) If the item on the list is, for example, “Receiving oral sex,” one responds by checking: It is a list of sexual practices, activities and desires that prompts people to explore and share their sexual likes, dislikes and interests.Įach sexual partner fills out the checklist independently. People exploring a sexual relationship after many years of not being sexually active ![]() Women experiencing the genital symptoms of menopause for whom vaginal penetration may be painful People whose sex has been negatively impacted by health status or aging This Yes/No/Maybe Checklist is a fillable pdf and is also found on the Resources tab of the Home page. A Yes/No/Maybe Checklist can help kindle a conversation about sex with a partner, as well as expand sexual repertoire. ![]()
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